Exciting news!

On Monday April 26, I had an ultra sound appointment to check the baby's health and everything and got to find out the gender! I'm having a sweet little girl and it makes it more exciting to get everything ready for my couple and just making the blankets! I'll have to take a picture for the blanket my mom helped me crochet and a picture of the blanket I'm sending home with her. It will take time, but hopefully I'll get it done on time!
I am due August 30 (or September 2) so just about three more months left till the big day. I am a little nervous, but I have a feeling everything will turn out just perfect. My case worker encourages giving a name to the baby even if I place her in adoption so I have started picking names out for her and came across a few that I like. Now, I like different names, so you may think "huh?" But I really come to like (the most)-Olivia, Soleil, Taigen and Zaylee. I am going to have an open adoption, but I am just going to be getting letters and pictures that I think may last for a year and that is perfect. I am excited to make a scrap book for her and really just can't wait.

For a quick update on the adoption and everything, the family that I found ended up meeting another birth mother and she ended up liking them and probably telling them this week that she chose them. In some ways it is unfortunate, but I did only look at the family the second I saw them and didn't give it much time to really think and wait to know if they were the ones. I guess I was just anxious to just find the family and everything.
Today, I have been looking at some couples that I actually took the time to look over their profiles and even their blogs and ended up liking a few people. I found seven that I liked, but two the most only because their blogs also included their extended family and had really so much more things about them to read.
I am looking for people that really like to be outdoors and be active rather than be at home locked up all day in their home. Music is especially important to me just from growing up playing piano, singing and even messing around with the guitar and violin (I can read music with guitar, but can barley play anything on the violin, but really wish I knew how!). I'm excited to find the family that belongs to this sweet little girl. It will be hard, but the wait to have a family with my husband will be worth that wait!

This experience has really gotten me excited to get married and start a family. It will be so exciting to share my pregnancy with my husband. (kicking, ultra sounds, EVERYTHING!) It also has helped me realize the importance it is to be financially ready. I definitely want to feel one hundred percent ready when my husband and I have a child of our own.

big surprises come in small packages

So it's about time that I just come right out and say it!

Well, I will just be blunt and say... I'm pregnant. I am twenty one weeks along since Monday, and I do not know what the sex of the baby is. I think, and have thought since before I knew I was pregnant that it was a girl. I'm not hoping, but I just truly think it is. I know, I know. I'm not married, but I am pretty sure I made a mistake.

After I found out for sure I was pregnant, I was already five weeks a long and just felt like I was the worse person ever. I thought what I did was unforgivable and just felt like scum of the world. After I talked to my bishop, immediately that Sunday I found out, I felt this weight just come off my shoulders and this comforting feeling telling me that I still was loved and that everything was okay. I personally see my pregnancy as a blessing in disguise. I have started going to church again, read my scriptures almost everyday, or when I can, and pray. I love the feeling I have, and this is the closest I have felt with my Father and Savior and never want to lose that.

Anyway, so I have just recently chosen to place the baby up for adoption. I decided this not because my family, or friends, or whoever wanted me to, but because I know that it is the right and best thing to do. I have been struggling so much financially that I can barely take care of myself. (I live with my parents so thankfully I have a place to stay) Just thinking that I barely have the money to use to take care of me, I just knew that I would be struggling so much if I kept the baby.

So for the excited part! I found a family that I really like since the first time I saw their picture. They both went to school after being married, got their associates and he continued going to school and got his bachelor's and is a high school teacher and she does real estate. She will be a full time mom when they have adopted the baby and that is what I think is definitely important with having a family rather than having someone watch it, or even day care. SO what I want to do to let them know that I have considered them for the adoption is, I want to send them a little package with a blanket and maybe a cute outfit whatever the sex is with a cute paper telling them "Congratulations, it's a Girl/Boy!" and just simply explain to them who I am and why I chose them. I am going to set an appointment when I can have the ultra sound so that I can get this done before someone steals my family ha ha!

I know that it will be hard getting closer and closer to the due date, but I know that baby will be happy and that she/he will be with the right family. This experience makes me excited for the future when I am married and will experience everything with my husband.

Little something that's been on my mind

"At the heart of the message of the Savior of the world is a single, glorious, wonderful, still largely untried concept. In its simplest terms the message is that we should seek to overcome the selfishness we all seem to be born with, that we should overcome human nature and think of others before self." -- James E. Faust

I had just recently found this quote and absolutely loved it. I then found a quote by Gordon B. Hinckley that I thought it would go well with the other quote.

"I think forgiveness may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed. There is so much of meanness and abuse, of intolerance and hatred. There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all of scripture, both ancient and modern. Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way." -- Gordon B. Hinckley

I think that today, people have a hard time forgiving others of their transgressions and wrong-doings that they forget that we need to show our love. No one on this earth is perfect and need to remember that our Savior loved everyone and died for our sins and we need to be able to forgive, repent and love so that we can gain a relationship with our Savior and Father in Heaven.
Forgiveness is something that I have had to work on before and it isn't easy, but when you learn to soften your heart and forgive the person that has done you wrong, there is a weight that comes off your shoulders and you feel better about yourself. That is probably a big factor that we need to learn to deal with no matter how hard it may seem to be. After you learn this, you truely feel happy and good about yourself when you learn to just love someone no matter what they do in their life. You can't control it, but you can be a friend and express love.

Streptococcus

I have had streptococcus, commonly known as strep, for the past couple of days now, and might I say it is the worse thing in the world! I would much rather have the flu then strep any day. The last time I had strep was probably the worst unlike this time around. I was in bed literally all day, I couldn't eat anything at all, and if I did, I couldn't keep it down. And the worse part, my uvula was infected and ended up getting swollen.

Luckily,(Siri, correct me if I'm wrong) my dad helped make it possible so that people can do strep test at home having to pay much less then seeing a doctor. I like it a lot just cause I don't have to get up from being achy and sick all day to sit in a doctors office waiting to be checked then waiting to get the results back, when I can just be in bed and wait five minutes for the line to read negative or positive. You can just get them over the counter at Smith's, Harmon's, Fresh Market, and most locally owned pharmacies.

So much in little time.

Well, there have been a few things going on for the past couple weeks. This last Sunday, March 7 early in the morning, my grandmother passed away from Alzheimer's. She has been married to my grandpa for 63 years and would have been one more year the end of the month. It is good that she was able to pass. She was actually supposed to far too long ago, but she held out this long. It is more upsetting seeing my grandpa in so much pain though. On November 13, he lost his son in a fatal car accident, and now he just lost his wife. It will be hard for him, but I am sure that he knows that my grandmother and Uncle Sheldon are both together in a better place, watching over him, and our families with their love.

My brother, Chad, was able to come visit us and the funeral for a couple days before he had to fly to Washington D.C. and back to Korea. Fortunately, he will be back up here with the family June 30, till the end up July. The next time that he is up here though, we are definitely going to have to go to Red Mango. It is a frozen yogurt place that is from Korea, so we will definitely have to go there the next time they come up.

My sister, Siri, is being moved to Philadelphia because Sean was offered a job down at a hospital there. I don't like the thought that she will be so far away, but when I am able to go down and visit, we will have some good shopping places to go, and not to mention all the historical places to see! I am definitely excited for that.

Well, that is really all that has been going on, although I finally got a second job! I just have to go to the interviews to make it official. Cinemark will be opening where the old theatre is down in Bountiful, and I am good friends with pretty much everyone at the Layton one, so I was able to get a job at the one down there. I will now work a lot more hours than having to only work one to two days a week.