So it's about time that I just come right out and say it!
Well, I will just be blunt and say... I'm pregnant. I am twenty one weeks along since Monday, and I do not know what the sex of the baby is. I think, and have thought since before I knew I was pregnant that it was a girl. I'm not hoping, but I just truly think it is. I know, I know. I'm not married, but I am pretty sure I made a mistake.
After I found out for sure I was pregnant, I was already five weeks a long and just felt like I was the worse person ever. I thought what I did was unforgivable and just felt like scum of the world. After I talked to my bishop, immediately that Sunday I found out, I felt this weight just come off my shoulders and this comforting feeling telling me that I still was loved and that everything was okay. I personally see my pregnancy as a blessing in disguise. I have started going to church again, read my scriptures almost everyday, or when I can, and pray. I love the feeling I have, and this is the closest I have felt with my Father and Savior and never want to lose that.
Anyway, so I have just recently chosen to place the baby up for adoption. I decided this not because my family, or friends, or whoever wanted me to, but because I know that it is the right and best thing to do. I have been struggling so much financially that I can barely take care of myself. (I live with my parents so thankfully I have a place to stay) Just thinking that I barely have the money to use to take care of me, I just knew that I would be struggling so much if I kept the baby.
So for the excited part! I found a family that I really like since the first time I saw their picture. They both went to school after being married, got their associates and he continued going to school and got his bachelor's and is a high school teacher and she does real estate. She will be a full time mom when they have adopted the baby and that is what I think is definitely important with having a family rather than having someone watch it, or even day care. SO what I want to do to let them know that I have considered them for the adoption is, I want to send them a little package with a blanket and maybe a cute outfit whatever the sex is with a cute paper telling them "Congratulations, it's a Girl/Boy!" and just simply explain to them who I am and why I chose them. I am going to set an appointment when I can have the ultra sound so that I can get this done before someone steals my family ha ha!
I know that it will be hard getting closer and closer to the due date, but I know that baby will be happy and that she/he will be with the right family. This experience makes me excited for the future when I am married and will experience everything with my husband.
